In my teens, I was the poster child for bad decisions and that taught me a lot about how to avoid toxic relationships.
1. Know your personal values
One of the most toxic teaching relationships I had lasted 8 years. We met young. As we got older, we separated. It showed me how important self-discovery is in a relationship. When we know who we are, we can better identify what we value.
Knowing what drives us crazy is the key to a harmonious partnership. Take a personality test before dating someone. You will better understand yourself and the attributes you look for in a person. It helps us communicate our values, giving the other party the freedom to choose whether they want to meet us to our expectations.
Being vulnerable to our fears leaves an opportunity for connection. Openness encourages freedom, being free from the unspoken lifts enormous weight. Not communicating effectively caused me many arguments with former lovers. The lack of communication led to frustration, resulting in a separation between us. Always express yourself and be around people who make you feel safe.
2. Set healthy boundaries
Dating raises nerves and anxieties. I called them butterflies. We retain some personal power when we hold firmly to a set of non-negotiables. It reminds us of our worth and reminds our partner of the boundaries we don’t want to cross.
When you find yourself sifting through potential dating partners, always keep your boundaries a priority. Refuse to settle down, it will save you long-term heartache. Choose people of good character over appearances. People who have values themselves are more likely to respect yours.
Not setting myself limits made me become a doormat in my past relationship. Once it became a cycle, my self-esteem began to drop, causing me to become more attached to toxicity. You fall in love with being lifted, not trampled.
3. Be your source of happiness
In most cases, two halves form a whole. It’s not so effective when it comes to relationships. When we try to pour ourselves out on others, being ourselves incomplete, it wears us out. To love without conviction is an injustice to his power. You must be the source of your happiness.
Many people live by demanding that others fulfill them. They often take more than they can give. The reason is that there is a source within each of us which must be filled with joy. Everyone wants to be loved, we all want to feel accepted so when people can’t do that for themselves, they seek it elsewhere.
Any connection we make must come from a place of love. So many of us are healing from past traumas, trying to find ourselves, that we hurt more than we help others. Unhealed emotional wounds can cloud judgment. They can make you codependent or needy with your lover. Detachment will bring you closer to things than you think.
In this generation of self-love, remember the big picture. Confidence is about loving yourself enough to become less selfish and more selfless. A happy you is a healthy you. A healthy you helps heal others. Choose your lovers wisely.
4. Date with people who share similar goals
Being misunderstood in a relationship makes you feel alone. Dating people who excessively criticize or put you down is unhealthy. A lover should inspire you to reach new heights and help you realize your happiness.
The world around us is displayed with images and ideals of what model life should look like. Our goals should be personal and supported by the people we choose to keep close. I’ve been in a crowd of associates and felt lonely because I knew deep down that my friends and friends didn’t believe in my dream of becoming a writer. Feeling like this for too long can make you prefer to be alone.
Dating people who share similar goals can be an adventure. You will find connection in building lasting memories. You will find peace by aligning strengths and weaknesses. Love strikes differently with someone on the same path as you. Imagine being able to spend the rest of your life with someone who truly loves what you do!
5. Give it time
Time doesn’t work against you when you find a life partner. You want someone who will be there for the long haul, through thick and thin. Many relationships we have in life are only seasonal and for a reason. Every experience we have with another is meant to teach us.
Allow yourself to maintain a loving detachment. Love fully and don’t be afraid to lose. Those who can stand the test of time with you will be the ones you will cherish the most. Many relationships fail because people hold a suffocating hold on their partner. I dated women who were controlling and that made me want to retreat. People need to feel free.
Have fun during these years of self-discovery. A healthy relationship should make you feel alive. People who bring us joy help us stay young. You want someone who takes your jokes and gives you good ones. Healthy relationships look like glowing skin and a radiant smile. Connect with people who stop time.
Patience is everything. My mother always told me that good things come to those who wait. Toxic relationships can cause anxiety and even depression. It is better to give time to growth rather than to the wrong person. Use your time to deepen your personal values, align yourself with your vision of life. This will attract a partner who is compatible with your lifestyle.