The silent killer: living with depression

I’m sitting on my bed with tears in my eyes trying to find the words to express how I really feel. I feel a sense of hopelessness, sadness and loss of interest in daily activities. Most would say it sounds like depression. Well, these people are right. Depression is the number 1 silent killer among teenagers and young adults today. In most cases, depression is linked to a traumatic experience in a person’s life, whether it’s a job loss, a breakup, the death of a loved one, etc

If you are reading this, you may be suffering from depression or know someone who does. I want to tell you that you are not alone! My father passed away when I was only 17. After my father died, I was diagnosed with severe depression. Many times I still find myself on the brink of wondering if my life matters or not. Life is very hard. We seem to be alone even when we are in a room full of family and friends. It’s hard to talk because we’re afraid no one will believe us or everyone will think we’re crazy. No matter how badly we want it, giving up is no longer an option.

My best friend committed suicide 3 weeks ago and I feel terrible. I am constantly looking for answers as to why it happened or why he was so sad. Well, the problem is, he probably didn’t even know what was causing him so much pain either. A loss of words to express how he felt…a sense of hopelessness…that’s exactly how I feel. Think of the people we leave behind. We have a host of loved ones who will be hurt by our actions. It’s normal not to be well. We need to talk about and heal from those things that hurt us.

Since kindergarten, I’ve been bullied for reasons I couldn’t even justify. I know – this world is cruel and people are mean. That’s no excuse to feel less human. People always had the impression that I was privileged and that being mixed meant that I was accepted by everyone, but in reality I was not accepted by anyone. The kids pulled my hair and cut my ponytails, so when my mom picked me up from school, she asked me why I was messing up my hair. They called me ugly and fat, so I ate my lunch after school while waiting for my mother to pick me up. I’ve always been known as the weird kid. I never spoke to anyone because people often laughed at me or called me names for reasons, again, I can’t even justify. This world is cruel and people are mean.

As I got older, friends were always something that was hard for me to find. At this point, I didn’t know if it was because I was a military kid who had to move every year or if I was just lame. In middle school, I had trouble fitting in and having more friends, so I started doing things to get attention from my peers. These things often got me kicked out of school. It didn’t happen because I was bad, but because I was depressed. Between high school and college, so much happened in my life that I just wanted to throw in the towel. Yes I understand . Life is so hard. Sometimes the pain we encounter is too much to bear. After a sexual assault, the death of two grandfathers and a grandmother, the death of all the great-grandparents, the death of two close friends, I still haven’t healed from all the traumatic experiences of my life. I just manage how to handle them and I keep moving forward. Sometimes I have days when I’m not well and sometimes I have days when I’m full of energy. Right now, right now, I’m not well – and I am. Before you decide to give up, there is someone like you. You’re not alone. Please make a promise never to give up as this is no longer an option!

Types of depression

• Major depression
• Persistent depressive disorder
• Bipolar disorder
• Seasonal depression
• Psychotic depression
• Situational depression
• Atypical depression
• Premenstrual dysphoric depression

Signs of depression

• Lack of interest in daily activities
• Tiredness and drowsiness
• Change in appetite and weight
• Irritability
• Uncontrollable emotions
• Change of conversation
• talk about death

Things to do to not ask questions…

• Watch a funny movie
• Watch a fun TV show
• Exercise/go for a walk
• Spend time with your family and friends
• Create a journal or purchase “The Self Care Journal”
• Go shopping or spend a day at the spa
• Talk to a mental health professional

Resources

• SAMHSA National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

• National Suicide Prevention – 1-800-273 – TALK (8255)

• Text HOME to 741741 or visit Crisistextline.org

Depression affects millions of people, but there are a variety of treatments available, from lifestyle changes to medication. Whichever treatment path you choose, seeking professional help is the first step to feeling like yourself again.